Brainwash gay

Not having a support system meant they felt 'clueless' regarding life in the real world.

"I have struggled with my sexuality all my life and what I’ve been through means I now battle constantly with shame, fear, trust issues, needing validation and waiting for people to abandon me," they share.

Ben also has very low self-esteem and self-worth.

Displaying intolerance and discrimination toward other oppressed and marginalized groups (discrimination transference/projected discrimination).

9. They tried to deny that this ever happened," he said. Ben was 21.

"He gave me the ultimatum that I had to tell my parents before he did.

We were dealing with a family bereavement, so it wasn’t the right time. Welcome to the Drone Brainwashing Chamber. My kids, who are now grown up, are super supportive in every possible way."
Looking to the future
"It makes me so sad that I spent most of my life afraid, full of self-loathing, and so desperately unhappy trying to be someone I'm not.

I am male and I’m in the process of accepting that and coming out with it. Now, although I still battle with my mental illnesses, I am at least able to feel a calm sense of acceptance because I'm living my life as myself," says Jamie.
However, they add how devastating it is to now be in their 50s and never to have been in a happy, romantic relationship.
Looking towards the future, they hope things can get better.

Defending, justifying, and excusing individual acts of homophobia in family, friendships, school, at the workplace, or in other social or institutional scenarios (learned helplessness).

10. It's a barbaric practice that does more harm than anything else. It is also significant to note that while some people with internalized homophobia are “out of the closet” and openly dealing their own sexual orientation/sexual identity issues, many others are still “in the closet” (to themselves and/or to others) and secretly struggling.

The Atlantic.

"I met Ruth [not her real name] on a blind date and explained everything to her.

"Even with undeniable proof, I was met with an absolute wall of silence by the university. So, I put on a facade of being 'normal' for him. Many closet LGBTQ individuals grew-up in traditional, conservative environments where “anti-gay bias” and “gay bashing” are the norm in family, social, educational, religious, media, social media, and political environments.

Doing so could result in being publicly reprimanded or, more dangerously, 'disfellowshipped'. I was even made to change my dress sense to stop wearing bright colours and have my hair cut short to appear more 'masculine'.
Ben had to read the same scriptures over and over, even being given 'homework' of watching female pornography, which they did in an attempt to regain stability over their life.
Eventually, Ben hit rock bottom and repeatedly ran away from home.
The devastating impact
After feeling isolated for so long, Ben struggled to open up to others.

Internalized homophobia is a form of social and psychological brainwashing.
What are some of the most common signs of internalized homophobia? I was petrified of the repercussions of coming out, so I initially did it by text message. When I had to have two afternoons a week off to attend the 'therapy', I was not entirely honest with the school.